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Good preparation is half the work. That applies to (client) conversations you have as well. By having a good understanding of the other person and determining a clear goal before you start, you will be able to have a more structured meeting where your influence will be greater. Still, the conversation can take a different turn. Part of the reason is because you can not predict what someone will do or say and: there is no pause-button to push! But your own subconscious process is of influence as well.

Creating or preventing?

Approximately 90% of our behavior comes from subconscious internal processes. Our thoughts, feelings and assumptions have great impact on how we approach a certain situation. Before starting a conversation we have already subconsciously formed an intention based on these: we either want to create or prevent something. For example: you have put in more hours than agreed upon. An assumption might be: my client will not approve and won’t pay the extra hours. Your intention starting this discussion could be: ‘prevent the client to get angry’ which brings along feelings of fear or resistance.

Your thoughts will become your truth

An intention like this has a huge impact on how you will have this conversation. It even has an effect on the physical processes in your body. A negative intention will give you a stressed feeling (cortisol rises) and tensed muscles. But the psychological effect is even larger because: your thoughts will become true. Research has proven that every time you think you are incapable of doing something, you will perform worse! Good news: it also works the other way around. Start thinking and believing you can do it, you will perform better!

So: which assumptions do you have entering a conversation? Try and let these go by addressing them in an open, honest and curious manner and test if they are true. Next to that set a positive intention. You will notice a more calm way of speaking within yourself which will keep you in charge resulting in a more positive outcome!

Good luck!